


Art Imitates Life... Or Is It The Other Way Around?

by Zakani_Donovan



Series: Ineffably Yours (Ineffable Husbands AU Week 2020) [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is a tour guide, Crowley Likes Aziraphale, Crowley is a mother, Crowley's Wrestling Statue (Good Omens), F/F, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands AU Week 2020, Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Lesbian, Meet-Cute, good omens - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26455000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zakani_Donovan/pseuds/Zakani_Donovan
Summary: A school field trip to the museum turns out more pleasant than Antoni J. Crowley, single mother of two, preciously expected.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Adam Young (Good Omens), Crowley & Warlock Dowling
Series: Ineffably Yours (Ineffable Husbands AU Week 2020) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922614
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	Art Imitates Life... Or Is It The Other Way Around?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jenanigans1207](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenanigans1207/gifts).



> Day 4 of Ineffable Husbands AU Week 2020
> 
> Prompts to choose from: Blogger AU and/or Tour Guide AU.
> 
> Prompt chosen: Tour Guide AU.

"Mum, come on, we're gonna be late!" Yelled Adam from the bottom of the stairs. He was easily the only person in a hurry to leave, because on the second floor, his mother and brother were still dealing with their makeup.

Antoni J. Crowley had adopted the boys when they were just babies. She had hoped, in a very illogical way, that they'd be very similar because they shared a womb. They were not. Much like many other twins around the world, their personalities were very different. Hell, they didn't even look alike! Adam was always rushing somewhere, looking for adventure in some capacity. Warlock, on the other hand, was the very definition of 'chill'. He was fine to stay indoors most days and could entertain himself very easily with just his mind or his electronic devices.

Today, the impatient adventurer was dying to get to the school. They had a field trip to the children's museum, and much to her dismay, it was Antoni's turn to chaperone. She wouldn't be the only parent, of course, but she was the only 'fun' parent on the trip. 'Fun' as in 'the kids like you because you don't sugarcoat stuff' and 'your boys aren't embarrassed to be with you in public'. Antoni was glad this was the case. She was fairly sure she'd regularly cry her eyes out if her boys hated being around her.

For example: right now, they were sharing the bathroom mirror as she did her usual makeup and Warlock was trying to put on eyeliner. She never expected one of her sons to be interested in such things, but she was happy to provide insight if it made him feel good. Judging by the expression on his face, he was over the moon.

"Almost perfect, dear. Not bad for your first time." She said proudly as she inspected his work.

He smiled. "Thanks. Can I use some mascara too?"

Antoni made a face. "Let's leave that for some other time. Your brother's stomping up a storm downstairs and I think we actually **are** kinda late now. You remember what happened with the lipstick last week."

"Ugh, yeah." He said, rolling his eyes.

The incident they're referring to was of a similar manner. Warlock was seemingly taking forever in the bathroom trying to put on just the right amount of lipstick when Adam's impatience took over. He said Warlock was 'taking too long for something so easy', grabbed the lipstick and tried to put it on Warlock himself. It was a disaster, which lead to Warlock grabbing it and drawing all over Adam's face, which then lead to some hair pulling and punches. Antoni broke it up by threatening to get rid of the WiFi and every other form of entertainment that wasn't a book. They helped each other clean up and they were out the door within minutes.

"He could poke your damn eye out if he tries that bollocks today. Or you would. Seriously, how are you two so violent? Anyway, I'm not in the mood to go to the hospital. You'll just have to do your makeup before he's ready. Let's go."

The trio drove up to the school and quickly noted the school bus with dozens of children waiting outside of it. Antoni made a point of it as she parked her SUV. "See? If we were as late as you claimed we were, the kids would **at least** be waiting for us inside the bloody bus!"

"The permission slip said 7:30!"

"Which probably means we'll leave at 8:00."

~~~~~

They actually left at 8:15. Protocols may be there for good reasons but for something simple like a field trip, they just make them eternal. It was a good thing it wasn't a trip to the theater to watch a play because they would've gotten there in time for the intermission.

Since there were so many children, the museum provided several tour guides and multiple groups were created. To her surprise, and utter delight, Antoni was the only parent in their group. First on the list was the paleontology part of the tour. The one Adam had been looking forward to more than anything. What he **hadn't** been looking forward to was the very boring tour guide leading them around the place. He wanted to see the dinosaurs, the mammoths, the huge fish that looked like the Loch Ness monster. Not extinct plant-life.

So while the guide was answering questions from the other children, Adam managed to sneak close enough to tie his shoelaces together without him noticing a thing. The smug 11 year old slithered away just in time to fall into step with his mother.

"Where've you been?" She asked, since she lost track of him a few minutes ago while dealing with the others.

He just shrugged. "Around."

It was at this moment that their guide, Luke Hastur, went to take a step and fell face-first into his paper cup of coffee. The children all laughed and the man growled at the new stain on his clothes. He grew frustrated when he couldn't untie the mess that were his shoelaces, so he yanked them off and walked away.

Antoni smirked, then placed her hand on the back of Adam's neck and gently squeezed. "Yeah, you're not leaving my sight again."

"Aww, come on mum!" He whined.

"You're lucky he didn't break his nose or something on the way down. I was bored to death too, but that's not an excuse. You know we're just gonna get stuck with some other guide."

And that's exactly what happened. Their new guide came just five minutes later. She was blond, curvy, incredibly polite, and judging by the way she spoke and answered questions from the kids, fiercely intelligent. Antoni wasn't as bored as she previously had been.

Once they reached the art section of the museum, the new guide, Aziraphale Fell, gave them a bit of an activity to do. The children were tasked with finding a favorite piece and explaining why the artist made it. Adam, still gripped by his mother, had no choice but to participate as well, even though he really didn't want to.

"Say, Mrs. Fell-" Adam began but was swiftly interrupted.

"Miss Fell, actually." Corrected the blond.

"Sorry. **Miss** Fell, why would someone make a sculpture of two angels shagging?"

Antoni groaned and gave his shoulder a tiny squeeze. "Adam, mummy gets judged when you curse in public."

"Oh dear boy, they're not- uh- engaging in sexual activity. They're wrestling!" Said the slightly flustered tour guide.

Antoni let out a bark of a laugh. "Look I know art is supposed to be subjective and all, but there's no way those two **aren't** getting a bit of foreplay done."

"Is this your idea of foreplay?" Asked Aziraphale, amused.

The redhead shrugged, smirking. "It **can** be, depending on the partner." Her tone was full of innuendo.

Adam gagged in an exaggerated manner. "Gross."

"It's your fault for starting the conversation." Replied his mother as she rolled her eyes.

Adam pouted and crossed his arms. "Wish I hadn't. So, if they're wrestling- **why** are they wrestling?"

Aziraphale eased back into her element after that question. "Ahh, well. The piece is called 'Hell's Triumph Over Heaven' and the angel with the darker wings is actually a demon. We're still unsure if the artist made this piece due to religious beliefs or not." She explained.

The skinnier woman hummed. "My money's on 'not'. Probably just felt like sculpting a pair of sexy celestials. Speaking of which: has anyone ever told you that you look like the angels in some of these paintings?" She said, pointing at a few pieces which decorated the empty spaces between the main pieces.

"Mum, I don't want to hear your lame pickup lines!" The boy groaned under his breath, covering his face.

The redhead looked proud of herself after that reaction. "Are you going to behave? 'Cause if not, you also have to endure secondhand embarrassment of me getting rejected."

"I won't get in trouble, I promise! Just, **please** , let me go!" He begged.

Antoni pretended to mull it over a bit, before finally letting go of her son. "Go find your brother."

He didn't need to be told twice, and he bolted away to the other side of the room where his friends and brother were. The redhead then turned to the tour guide. "Sorry about that. It's the quickest way to get him to behave without using threats of actual punishment. Plus, I have more fun this way."

"I can see. You're very bad at hiding it, you know." Chuckled Aziraphale.

"Really? I thought I had a decent pokerface."

The blond looked very smug. "Let's just say, if we were actually playing cards, I'd be taking all your money. And I'm absolutely **dreadful** at gambling!"

"Getting robbed by an angel. Who would've thought it, eh?"

"Angel?"

"Oh, I was serious about the painting thing." Said Antoni, pointing at them again.

With a curt nod, Aziraphale smiled at the mother of two. "Then you have a keen eye for details. That **is** me on some of them. Every guide is depicted in one exhibition or another in some way. I love art, so I didn't mind posing for a few decorations. The skinnier angel with me is my sister, Michael." She explained.

"Well, your sister doesn't look nearly as good as you do... Do tell me if you want me to stop with the flirting, I don't want you feeling uncomfortable. Hell, I'm also keeping you from doing your job. I should just shut up." Said the redhead in a genuine moment of awkwardness.

Aziraphale looked momentarily afraid. "Oh, please don't. You're the most fun conversation I've had here in weeks! The flirting is a nice bonus. Especially because this is the first time I'd actually entertain it."

"Miss Fell, are you saying you'd take me up on an offer to take you out to lunch later today?" A grin graced Antoni's face.

"I'd be more than amenable to that." Replied the blond cheerfully.

The redhead took this moment to ground herself and looked around at all the children she was supposed to be watching. She really did hate that chaperoning thing. "Well, considering the circumstances, the best we could do is the food-court downstairs."

"They have a **lovely** little sushi bar." Said Aziraphale in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Good thing I'm into sushi, then. I'll see you there once you finish up with the tour?"

"Sounds good to me." Confirmed the curvy woman before rounding up the children to finally finish the activity.

~~~~~

Hours later, Antoni and Azirpahale could be seen in the food-court, happily discussing strangely sexual religious art pieces.


End file.
